Lycra

(As an aside, before I begin - small website on cycling before lycra: http://www.bikeit.eclipse.co.uk/cyclingprelycra/memorabilia/memorabilia.htm. Found in the course of searching for inspiration. Trust me, it was with some trepidation that I keyed in 'lycra' in Google.)

Well, I know I have one regular blog reader - Jen. And she has a vested interest - she's the regional fundraiser for Action Medical Research and very involved in the Action 100 ride.

And after this blog, I suspect she'll never speak to me again.

You see, I've been putting forward the Action 100 cycle ride volunteers for various things to help stimulate a little publicity.

And it came to me: lycra It just doesn't flatter.

At all.

I don't consider myself an unattractive person - at 43, I think I can still turn the odd head (odd, perhaps, being the operative word, but let's not go there.) But the thought of lycra cycling gear on my somewhat curvy form is filling me with trepidation.

So there's only on thing for it: Trinny and Susannah.

And there's the crux - no way am I going on telly in my smalls. Unlike the aforementioned fundraiser, Jen, I'm voluptuous. And telly adds 10 pounds. So I'll make Alison Moyet (pre weight loss), X-Factor exes and possibly even Demis Rousos (for those of us old enough to remember) look slim. A little more Vanessa Phelps than Vanessa Mae, let's say.

I have a professional reputation to maintain, and it'll be hard to sit in a boardroom with clients knowing that they've seen me at my wobbly best, and almost certainly having bits of my anatomy squished by the terrible two. I can see it now. Mid negotiations, out comes photo. Game, set and match to other side. Professional suicide!

But it has to be done. For the men as well. Unless you're lythe hipped and lunch-boxed, cycling shorts just don't flatter.

Let's just hope that Trinny and Suse are feeling ready for a challenge: hundreds of cyclists across the country may be depending on them. The application packs are in the post now.