Painful progress

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Last week was hectic. I was helping a friend, Jayne, who I workwith from time to time, to launch a fertility testing kit.

Which meant a trip to London.

When I worked in Central London some years ago, I used to run up the escalators on the Bakerloo line - tried it this week and suffered!

Chatting to Sharon Davies, who was at the launch event, she cycles 45 minutes before bed each night. Which will be why she has such an impressively slim figure. We're the same age - ouch!

Did get out on my bike though. I had a child free/work free treat and took myself to the hairdressers. I think it's two miles. My husband insists its just one.

Either way, on the basis that it took me ten minutes, it will take me 17 hours to cycle the Action 100 non-stop.

And I only made it to third gear - out of 15.

So next bit of shopping is to take a leaf out of Sharon's book and get myself a training cycle. It may be the only way I can get the miles in!

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Ha - ha - ha - Halfords

Trying so hard to find a solution to the time problem and getting the little ones out with me, so went to Halfords on Saturday.

Now before I get stuck in, I need to stay that I've shopped in Halfords before. And this is the first time I've had real cause to complain.

We went into take a look at the options for dragging a small child along behind a bike.

Husband got distracted somewhere around the AutoGlym stand, so with two hyped up (Just been to a party, big sugar rush, loads of colourants) boys in tow, I tried to shortcut the 'if it's not on the shelves...' and asked what they had.

The guys behind the desk shall henceforth be referred to as pimplies. They're a particular breed of shop assistant. Spotty (hey we all have hormones). Unkempt greasy hair. Slightly dirty looking (probably just rolled out of bed to get to their afternoon shift). Terminally unable to smile. Oozing attitude. Should all be called Kevin.

Which is probably king of cool on the playground, but irritating as hell when you're trying to get anything done.

(And almost certainly a cruel reminder that I'm getting older.)

'The only thing we've got', I'm told 'is a bar to to tie your childs bike to your bike.'
Hyperactive 3 year old on A4 to Maidenhead, notorious accident hotspot - I think not!

Pimplie returns to desk. Joined by 3 more pimplies.

I spot a bike buggie. Oh, and a brochure. Brochure reveals a range of options - another tie on bike, and 2 types of buggy.

Ask pimplies for prices. Three stand staring at computer sceen. One ventures out. Kids getting bored and examining things on shelves. Sense time may be running out.

Buggy options around £20 mark. Make mental note to check on eBay given that this is an experiment that could result in £120 for a single ride.

Persuade pimplie to let three year old try buggy. More solid looking option way too small for my lanky infant, so ask for other option to try. To remove buggy from stand, onto which both kids are now threatening to climb to speed things along, pimplies must remove obstacles. God help British defence if any of them ever join the army is all I have to say on the ensuing fracas.

Husband rejoins fray with expensive (but marked down) AutoGlym in hand, evidently planning on trying to make our aging Rover look like a Jag. Pimplies start looking a little more helpful. (Size, gender or dress code that's made the difference? I'd been reorganising furniture in the boys room for most of the day, so probably did look a bit down at heel)

Anyway, buggy looks perilously close to the road for my taste, but does have something to tie him in with - added bonus. Further mental note to call police for some road safety figures.

Five year old itching to get in and try - whole things appears to bow perilously. Husband declares this a figment of my overprotective imagination.

Small child, however, loves buggy. Wants it. Pimplies by now are back musing over computer screen. Assume it's nearly closing time from complete disinterest. Leave empty handed. With three year old wailing for a new buggy.

Who'd be a parent?

Some more top tips

Tips have come in as follows:
Mum - white spirit on bottom to toughen cheeks - applied every day for a month in advance
Mum (again) - missing out the inside of your cheeks!
Ant - Sudocreme, lots of. After all, it's only nappy rash you'll get!
Mum (again) - vaseline on the bit between your cheeks, replenished every few miles.
Jen - flattened newspaper down the front of your top and in the pocket at the back of your cycle top.

All ideas gratefully received!

French Revolutions

Met with Jen, the regional fundraiser for the charity this week. Bless her, she was so patient with me, even though I was over a half hour late for our meeting.

She's been reading a book by Tim Moores, 'French Revolutions, Cycling the Tour de France.'
http://www.reviewstop.co.uk/French-Revolutions-Cycling-the-Tour-De-France_reviews_1936_1.html

Tim is a journalist who cycled the Tour De France route. Like me, he was new to cycling, and not particularly fit to begin with Many of his concerns, apparently, are akin to mine, but chaffing can go on the backburner - the one thing Jen said that looms large in my mind is BOILS!

At mention of said injury(which he saw, incidentally, not experienced), on a day when I was having an 'I can't cope' moment because I was running late for everything after childcare became an issue (a tiny blip caused by lack of sleep - normally I can juggle things without too much sweat), I offered to pay my sponsorship, forget riding and stay boil, chaff and accident free. In addition to not going through the pain, this option would allow me to stop angsting about my fitness level, free me from the impossible task of finding a few hours a day to cycle, and in general, be the much easier option.

Jen's having none of it!

Despite the fact that my marriage may go terminal if I don't devote some time to my poor abandoned husband, that my children may be in mortal danger if put them in one of those ridiculously tiny, low to the road cycle carriages, and I am physically in no state to undertake this ride, this goal, it appears, is not going to go away.

So I shall don my Linda Evans outfit (Wonderwoman, for anyone too young to remember) and carry on regardless.

And purchase a copy of the book in the hopes that it will provide some amusement and comfort.

Raphas website...

I quote from this site which sells wonderful cycling stuff:

"If you’re a mountaineer a totally waterproof jacket makes sense. But when you’re riding a bike hard, over long distances, your cycling jacket has to do much more than just keep the rain off. It also needs to breathe fast, fit close to your body and keep quiet (or the sound of flapping will be as irritating as that mysterious creak from your bike that eats into your mind and drives you crazy."

"Merino wool is naturally anti-bacterial, so the socks won’t smell like stinky polyester (whatever the technical sounding trade mark). Most importantly, merino wool wicks sweat better than any synthetic, keeping you cooler and drier in the summer and warmer in cold weather."

"Today riders have to make do with mass produced synthetic lycra mitts that fall apart after a season’s wear."

"....the armwarmers have merino wool next to the skin for efficient moisture management and a soft and luxurious feel. A strip stretch reflective lycra down the back provides a snug fit and high visibility. The armwarmers are left and right handed and articulated at the elbow. A shock cord loop allows them to be pulled up and rolled down efficiently, while silicone gripper holds them securely in place."

"Sadly, most cycling base layers are still made of synthetic fabric. In all other sports natural merino wool is now the fabric of choice. Merino wicks moisture vapour very quickly and is naturally anti bacterial and odour resistant. Banish stinky polyester forever. What's more, merino is beautifully soft on the skin and itch free."

So:
- my jacket is going to irritate **** out of me
- I'm going to sweat loads
- my feet will stink
- my body will stink
- my gloves will fall apart
- Unless I buy specialist, I'll end up with arm warmers made out of an uncomfortable rubber tube

This stuff looks the mutts, but has added having no remaining friends to my fears of chaffing!

(Although I am just checking my bank balance to see if I could stretch to something a little stylish....)

Maths

Looking back over blogs - I've been blogging since July.

If anyone cared enough to count how many of the blogs actually refer to rides, they'd get the grand total of three.

Which is singularly unimpressive.

More entries note the recruitment of other riders than actually cover getting saddle sore.

So I guess there's my new NewYears Resolution all over again.

If there's no report of a training plan up and on this site by this time next week, you have full permission to think of an evil forfeit.

If needing copious amounts of nappy cream (as suggested by Mr Upton - thank you) isn't enough....

Fluffy PR

Well we've been looking at doing a ballooon launch at the end of Jan to mark the availability of the entry forms for this ride, and to unveil the ride's new logo.

It's somewhat ironic that in my entire PR career, I have never been involved with that mainstay of PR activities - a balllooon launch. Indeed I once had a major battle with a mad marketing director in a telecoms company: she believed that PR was only about fluff and balloons, I begged to differ.

So now, some years on, here I am planning a balloon launch. Possibly. Eating humble pie.

We want to set off 3000 ballooons, this being the number of babies that die before their first birthday each year, many because they've been born prematurely - in line with the charities Touching Tiny Lives campaign (Action Medical Research is raising funds this year specifically for this cause: http://www.action.org.uk/ttl_campaign/campaignoverview.php)

It's just setting a few balloons off, surely?
Wrong!

First printing the balloons - we have to adjust the logo.

Then there's blowing the bloomin' things up - timing is an issue. If we blow and transport we have a problem. If we blow 'on site' we will have to be there at sparrow fart ('scuse the expression) not to mention the logistics at5 the rugby clubs we're hoping will allow this to happen. just before their home games.

Then, on top of it all, because we have so many balloons, we have to get permission from the Civil Aviation Authority.

This has all been accompanied by some hysterical stories of a friend trying to get her ballooon launch done from the back of a four wheel drive - this is the blow up and transport option. The ballooons wouldn't come out, so their big 'launch' was a few balloons dribbling out piecemeal - the ones that didn't burst, that is.

So fraught with danger is this that I went to the official society for balloons - yes there is one. They gave me four people to call to help - apparently there isn't one company that can do it all nationally - although I find this really hard to believe.

And of the four, one doesn't do launches, one is defunct, one doesn't answer their phone and one is coming back to me, slowly, with a quote. Guess if they can do it, they'll have the business.

I am so hoping that someone will read this and wave a magic wand for us!

(Of course this post is a diversionary tactic - I haven't been on my bike once this week. What a great way to start the year - I'm going to be SO sore in August!)

Busy ride

Well, over a very drunken dinner on New Years Eve, my brother in law, Huw, has agreed to do the 100 mile ride too.

And his girlfriend, Sharon.

Sharon's a mad keen fitness freak, so she'll be OK.

Huw's fitness level is probably about the same as mine: could be interesting - at least Sharon will support him getting fit.

Should be on commission for recruiting riders....